Modern Girls: Honest?

“Truth never damages a cause that is just” -Mahatma Gandhi

Tonight I was having dinner with a good friend of mine. We were gabbing, gossiping, and complaining about work and people that are involved in our lives. And, I thought to myself: If only some of these people understood what goes on in our heads everyday. And I wondered, am I being honest with the people in my life? That brings up a very good question: are girls these days more honest or more shady?

The answer, I would say is that we are very honest but are merely selective on who we speak our minds to. Our boss for instance, will probably never hear us tell him what we think of him. Not that he doesn’t know… but still we would never go there. However, we still discussed our opinions at dinner with each other. We hate a lot of our coworkers, and sure enough I tell many of them everyday that they are idiots when they step on my toes purposely. Because, whether I tell them or not they will still step on my toes and it’s not like anything comes out of it.

The point I am trying to make here is that in our lives, we will only tell the truth or be honest with someone we are comfortable with. Sounds obvious enough. However, the people we are comfortable enough to tell these things to may not be the people we need to be honest with. I know from experience that I am never honest with the people I am romantically involved with, not all too uncommon these days. I mainly discuss my true feelings on my relationships with my best friend. Needless to say, my relationships are far and few between, do not last long, and are disasters. Finally, I have realized that it is most likely… well, let’s be honest, it is directly because I was too afraid to explain my true feelings and what I wanted. And maybe he was guilty of it, too. Either way, not being honest with people that you see on a day-to-day basis is a recipe for disaster.

The key? Not necessarily communication. First, one must learn to not ever be afraid to be up front and honest. If someone criticizes you for telling them what is truly on your mind, then it is probably time to rethink the relationship, whatever it is. Friends, family, boyfriend, girlfriend, coworkers, your bank teller… whoever.

Honesty and communication can make things run much more smoothly, or maybe not. But, either way keeping in what you are feeling will only make you angry, sad, anxious, and could potentially blow you apart. Be discreet, of course, and don’t go too crazy. Cursing out your boss will not solve your issues. But, making a point to sit down and discuss your issues might show some positive results. What could it hurt? If you tell your lover what is on your mind, maybe they will end things with you. But, really, if they are worth your time they will hear you out, tell you their feelings, and you will both make it through the tough subjects.

Mahatma Gandhi is who I quoted on this post, instead of Monroe, because Gandhi believed that in everything there was truth and love. All his life he seeked truth and worked to bring it to the surface. He was never afraid of any confrontation or disagreement that was posed. He taught the world how important it is to always be truthful and have love in everything we do. What made him so different than others who valued truth? He was brave enough to reveal truth to the world.

You know when you are babbling on and on to your best friend about… whatever… and a million things slip out that you would never tell anyone else? Well, maybe in certain cases you should. You could change a million things in your life, although maybe not quite to the extent as Gandhi. (Do what you like, I’m just saying they’re big shoes to fill). Baby steps.

There are a couple of friends I’ve had through out the years who saw something in my life that they felt was wrong (things that truly jeopardized my health/well-being) and have told me they were worried or thought I should change. Did I listen? I’ve made many changes, but not because of their worries. Either way, I understood where they were coming from and was thankful that they let me know before I ruined our friendship by making them uncomfortable or scaring them. I just kept those things to myself and life went on. In a way it was not their business, but I had to accept the fact that they cared about me and wanted to make sure I knew it. The reason I mention this is because if someone is honest with you, it is also important to take in what they say and either accept it or banish it. Communication is a two-way street, ladies and gentlemen.

Honest communication can help solve many problems or bring to light many problems that you were not aware of. So, to sum it up: Always say what’s on your mind, you know, if you’re willing to hear others do the same.

Your Modern Girl,

C

Affairs of a Modern Girl’s Heart

 

“Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt, and bewildered.” -Marilyn Monroe

There are so many challenges thrown at girls and young women today, such as going to the best parties, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, looking like Megan Fox, and still somehow keep aiming for their goals. Sometimes, the modern girl puts education, career, and other responsibilities on the back-burner. She wants to be everywhere at once and do everything. At the end of the day though, no matter what is going on in her life, the modern girl wants to be loved. By an attractive guy. With a car. A job. An education (or in pursuit of one). But, most importantly, a guy with all these things who still has time and energy to spend on her.

This is constantly becoming a problem for a decent looking young girl who is working hard towards her goals. For some reason, it’s easy for her to fall into the arms of… well about anyone. She is willing to settle for a guy who may disrespect her, put off spending time with her, never wants to do anything recreational (date wise), and who may be after just one Thing. A loving relationship is usually her goal, but whether or not some girls today even know what that is… is speculated on. Because as long as a guy is willing to kiss her, hold her, and tell her she is beautiful, her heart is encased by him. As much as we want to believe that today’s young women are strong, independent, Madonna types, it is proven over and over again that many are in fact clueless, fragile, and overly sensitive. Don’t get me wrong, I am pleased to say that many of my friends have found very good guys that they have been with for a long time. But it is rare… too far and few between.

So here is the question of the day: How can the modern girl overcome her thirst for love and admiration in order to look for other things in a man such as strength, courage, and loyalty?

Here are some tricks I have seen modern girls use/have used myself:

1. Get Pregnant by him. Believe it or not! Some young girls feel that if they get pregnant with a man’s child, he will be obligated to stay with her and create a life with her. Does this work? In some cases, yes. But many times, no. The man would rather pay child support and keep going around with other girls than stay with her and make a family. Let’s just say. This method is a FAILURE!

2. The “holding out” method. A girl meets a guy and is interested in pursuing a relationship. For a designated period of time, such as 2 weeks, 6 months, 3 dates or more, she will not give him sex and will set certain physical boundaries. The idea is that if a guy is willing to stay with you, date you, and be your boyfriend with no intercourse, he cares about you way more than just sexually.

Does this work? Maybe if she does it right. For one, NEVER give into any urges when trying to hold out. Also, do NOT inform him of how long or how many dates. Because then, he will go till that date, expect sex, and then you feel that you have no option but to give up the chastity belt even if you still aren’t sure about him. Sometimes it works out well. It has for two of my friends who have been with their menfolk for years now. And sometimes, it turns out that when you hold out on him all he does is try to push the boundaries and still never takes you on a date or even introduces you to his friends. In this method, realize the potential for failure is evident.

3. An open relationship. Begin with an open relationship or be “friends with benefits”. Then, as time goes on suggest that you actually pursue a relationship together since you already are together in a way. The idea is that by building  a physical relationship, a mental attachment will arise. This may work. Let’s say he says yes after the question is posed. Just realize that usually the nature of your relationship will probably not change. You two will still do basically the same thing, the only difference being that you officially claimed that you two were in a relationship. This method usually begins and ends in a physical relationship only… from personal experiece.

4. The “Just Friends” method. When the modern girl begins a romantic relationship by simply being friends and eventually if you have a mutual chemistry, transform the relationship. The idea is that you both begin your relationship as normal people being friends, not man versus woman. You grow a friendship and get to know each other in many different ways, mentally. Eventually you both decide that you either care about each other and want to date romantically or that you just want to stay friends. He may try something romantic with you in your friendship but politely turn him down if you feel the timing is not right. Also consider his advance as a factor in deciding whether he would be a good, caring boyfriend versus a good, true friend. Does it work? Results may vary. But, this method has incomes that can be way more positive than the other methods.

Yes, we modern girls have many tricks up our sleeves. After all, a romantic relationship is very important to us. However, ladies, no matter what trials and tribulations come our way, we still need to focus on the most important lesson learned from the affairs of our hearts: Aim for the sky. Strive to be the best we can be when it comes to our education, career, family, accomplishing our goals, and learning to love ourselves without the approval of others. When you can do that, then you can decide who appreciates you and loves you the way you deserve. This, above all, is the best method.

Your Modern Girl,

C

A Modern Girl’s BBFF

“Dogs never bite me. Just Humans.” -Marilyn Monroe

Best Friends Forever. This is the most misleading idea ever.

A Modern Girl understands the importance of independence and cautiousness. The idea that one friend will stay with you for the rest of your life, never doubt you, never leave you hanging, and always support you… it’s bull shit. When it comes right down to it, people are selfish and at many times unfeeling. One minor disagreement is all it takes. Ever here of what happened to Julius Ceasar? Just saying. No matter how strong a friendship is, with all the good and bad experiences, things in common, and bells and whistles, it can still be broken like a twig. This is because people are easily taken in and trust is all too often given out like bubblegum.

I suppose I should mention that I am not putting down the idea of friendship. I am pointing out that a modern girl is smart if she understands that the only person she can rely on is herself. If she can go through good and bad times on her own, suffer hardships and pull through them, she can survive anything. Friends are wonderful to have. They keep us company, add to our good experiences, make us laugh, and support us through those hard times. But let me as you this reader… what happens when you come across hard times and all of the sudden that very friend you’ve always relied on suddenly… cuts you off… stabs you in the back… doesn’t return those phone calls?? Why would they do this? There could be any reason at all.  But how will you fight when an important source of your strength and support has been kicked out from under you? The hard times just got harder.

Independence is important. Being able to support your own lifestyle without assistance means you will always have financial wisdom and a job to back you up if your boyfriend randomly leaves you. Being able to guard your personal business from certain people that you don’t completely trust will prevent the chances of those certain people from betraying your secrets. And keeping a balance or a barrier between you and your friends can be useful in the way that you have them in your life, but when the time comes that they aren’t quite as friendly as you thought, you will be able to get through anything without them.

I am sure there are many who would disagree with me. “My best friend would never stab me in the back…” Well, there is a reason it’s called backstabbing. Would you hand someone a knife and turn around for them and just let fate take its course? Don’t be paranoid, just be cautious. Just guard yourself and don’t share things that you would be devestated if they were shared with everyone. From experience, and the experience of others, friends are generally not forever. It is not a bad thing, but is human nature. It is the way things work out.

Just remember, modern girls: The only person you will always be able to rely on throughout your entire lifetime is yourself.

Your Modern Girl,

-C

A Modern Girl’s Mind

“I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent.” –Marilyn Monroe

Hello readers,

This is my first blog, although I have wanted to start one forever. I have always been a writer and wanted to inspire people to think differently. The most important element in anything some one writes is the unexpected, unknown candidness that makes a piece of writing interesting. Which is why I chose to write about my experiences and observations as a modern teenage girl who has so much ambition and motivation to do great things. There is nothing more interesting than the mind of a teenage girl.

So… enough chit chat, then. Let us start with the most basic concept that one can understand about a teenage girl: The number one motivation in a modern girl’s mind is admiration. Modern women, of basically any age, strive to be admired. Whether it is for their beauty, intellegence, career, family, money, or ability to chug a bottle of Captain Morgan and not suffer a hangover. Women love to be admired. With admiration comes respect. With respect comes power. We do not do it consciously, but we have something to prove. Women were once contented to live in submission to their husbands and children. But, as far as I can tell, we want to rise above the standard roles of housewife. We want to be viewed more highly than the ditsy, bubblegum chewing, church going teeny-boppers that society has come to accept us as. And we certainly want our efforts recognized.

Here’s a challenge for you. Go up to any teenage girl you know and sincerely tell her that you think she is absolutely beautiful, or talented, or smart and you have always envied  or admired them. Mixed reactions will come. But the effect is all the same.

Another idea. If a girl does her hair differently, tell her it looks absolutley great on her and she should do it more often. She WILL do it more often.

This, as my first post, is barely one piece of the puzzling mind of a modern girl. I plan on giving many more in depth insights, advice, and food for thought. Keep reading.

Your Modern Girl,

C